How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
