i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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