a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
