OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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