eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
