i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
