My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
