Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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