I molested 6 butterflies tonight
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
