I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
