His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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