just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize