Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
