So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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