I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
