haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
