Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
