i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
