You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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