just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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