I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
