am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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