tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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