I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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