I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
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