I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize