it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
