Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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