I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
