I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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