Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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