Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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