your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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