He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
