Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
