That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
