and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
