you traded sex for a burrito?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
