I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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