I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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