The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
