I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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