If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
