Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize