Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
