I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
