Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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