when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I had to cum in my sink.
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