if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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