Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
