Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
