I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize