even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How does one acquire holy water?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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