she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Green mimosas i think yes
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
