is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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