Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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