Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
