Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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