My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
