hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
