Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
