2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
