Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
