lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
