In the future we'll all be gay
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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