i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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