At least make sure they are 18
Why
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
