if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
