turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
