i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
