I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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