Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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