I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
