I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
