I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
