I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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