At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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