What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
