where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
