i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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