Too much gin, very little bucket
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
