I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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