If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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