I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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