Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
