We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize