i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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