So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize