If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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