how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize