That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
