How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
