Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
