she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
my being single is dangerous.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize