If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
