There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
thus making me awesome and them whores
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
