I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
