I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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