she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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