I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
