i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
