I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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