Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
