it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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