new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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