guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize