I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
