You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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