Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
