The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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