i don't plan on having that self control this summer
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
