you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
